Improve your communication and persuasion skills.

Have you ever wondered why you get on better with some people than others?
Have you ever noticed that some people seem very persuasive?
The following article will allow you to develop your communication skills to a level that will help you in all areas of your life including relationships, social life and career.

When people speak they use predicates [ sensory specific words ] these words describe the mode that they are communicating in.
For example some predicates they may use ;
Visual = see, focus, picture, scene, visualise, same vision.
Auditory = hear, sounds, in tune, in harmony, singing from same hymn sheet.
Kinaesthetic = feels, grounded, solid, stable, in touch with.
Olfactory = smell a rat, something fishy, bad taste, bitter pill to swallow.

Either visual, auditory or kinaesthetic are the most commonly used modes and are what is called a persons favoured system, so if a person is communicating using for example lots of visual words and you answer them in the same mode [ visual ] then you will match their thinking, if you use another mode you will miss-match  and find reaching agreement more difficult.

So to give you an idea of some examples that people commonly use, if someone says, ” Do you see my point?”[ that’s perfectly clear to me ], or “How does that sound?”[ that sounds like you know exactly what you’re talking about ] you understand the system they are using, “Are you getting to grips with the idea?”[ I feel like I’m getting a solid grounding in this ]

The first step to mastering this is observe, listen, and take note of the way others are communicating, you will start to notice these sensory predicates and the way people unconsciously use them in their everyday conversations. Try matching in low risk situations for example when speaking to shop assistants or similar places then when you become proficient you can use your new found skill to influence and persuade in high stakes situations of your choice.

These skills will help you in relationships, business interviews / negotiations etc, and can help you to create and maintain strong and positive friendships, use them ethically and they will serve you well for the rest of your life.

Toward or Awayfrom motivation.

Most people use either a “Toward” or “Away from” direction to motivate themselves.
You can hear it in the language they use on a daily basis. They state either what they want or they may state what they are trying to avoid or give up.
Unfortunately naïve parents or teachers in school start using/teaching the away from strategy by telling kids ” don’t spill that glass of water”, ” don’t make mistakes” etc, etc , rather than stating what they do want.
If someone says,” don’t think of a red elephant or a blue rat”, you have to think about those things otherwise you would not understand the phrase. It forces the listener to make a mental representation / picture of the image they were told not to think about, and can be held at an unconscious level .
If you state what you want and it is positively phrased as you move toward it the motivation becomes stronger, whereas if you state what you do not want, the motivation becomes weaker as you move away from it.
For example loosing weight, if someone was say 15 stone / 95 kilos and wanted to loose weight, by the time they reach 13 stone / 82.5 kilos the motivation will have decreased significantly. This is exactly what happens with yo yo dieting and why so many find it difficult to loose weight. Whereas if those same people set a target weight for example 12 stone / 76 kilos their motivation would become stronger as they get nearer to their goal. Stated as “My goal is to be 12 stone / 76 kilos.” Everyone has heard the rags to riches story where someone makes their fortune then ends up loosing it all, then sometimes doing it all again, this is another example of someone moving away from poverty, but inadvertently holding a representation of poverty at an unconscious level, which in the end became a self fulfilling prophecy , they get their motivation back again when they are again in poverty.
This is not to say that either strategy is better than the other, because nothing will mobilise people more quickly from procrastination than an away from strategy in an emergency situation. But stating exactly what you want and phrasing it positively will enable you to keep positive and focused as you move toward your goal, and adjust your course as you go if necessary. You will find it more comfortable and much easier to gauge exactly where you are as you proceed. This works for every type of goal including relationships, and anything you aspire to. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.




How to eliminate “fear or anxiety”, in absolutely any situation.

Fear comes from the fight or flight mechanism, it is an inbuilt survival strategy, and it is the reason that certain species survive.
Sometimes in our busy and hectic lives fear may not be an appropriate response, but because it occurs automatically in some situations, people find it difficult to deal with.
Sometimes being relaxed, calm and clear thinking might be a more appropriate and more resourceful state to be in, where you can think logically, weigh up the situation and decide your best options, path, response to take.
The technique that I will describe can be used in any situation, if you use it you will be unable to experience fear, even in a life or death situation, so be clear before you use it whether fear might be appropriate in that situation.
TECHNIQUE : “Make a glob of spit about the size of a piece of chewing gum and keep it on the centre of your tongue”.
If your tongue is wet you can not experience fear. This is a fact, it’s simple but very few people know about it. If someone is having a panic attack it will work, if you had to get into the boxing ring with Mike Tyson it would work, if you were on a plane that was going to crash it would work.
You can not neurologically experience fear if your tongue is kept wet.
So where might you use this technique? It’s up to you to decide, where and whether it is appropriate. Some examples might be,
Panic attacks
Exam nerves
Public Speaking
Getting out of a burning building
In fact any situation where it would pay to be clear headed, it might even save your life.
I have used this technique with many clients, and it always surprises them, just how simple and effective it is.
I hope that this technique has been, and will be useful to you.

Take your life back – it’s in your hands.

Once upon a time long ago in Arabia there was a kid, and he’d heard about a wise man who knew the answers to everything, he’d heard about this man from friends, he’d heard about him at school, and he’d read about him. This wise man used to travel around to towns and people would all come from miles around to see him, they’d ask him questions about something that was troubling them, or the solution to a problem, and he always seemed to know the answer. Well the kid had heard that this wise man would be in a town nearby on Sunday, and he’d be in the town square answering questions. So the kid thought to himself, “I’m going to ask him a question that he certainly won’t know the answer to, what I will do is get a tiny bird and hold it in the palm of my hands so that he can’t see it and then I’ll ask him is it alive or is it dead, if he says it’s alive I’ll crush it, and if he says it’s dead I’ll open my hands and let it fly away, what ever the wise man says will be wrong, and then people will see that he doesn’t know the answers to everything”.

So the kid found a tiny bird and put it in a cage, he got up early on the Sunday because the town was two hours away on foot, and when he arrived at the town square there was the wise man with a big crowd around him. The kid took the bird out of the cage, so that no one could see and waited patiently while the wise man answered questions, then when his chance came he called out, ” I have a question”, “What is your question?” said the wise man. Noticing the kids cupped hands held out in front of him.

“I have something in my hands, and the question is, is it dead or is it alive?” The wise man looked at the kid, and said nothing for about thirty seconds. ” Is it dead or is it alive?” repeated the kid.

“It’s in your hands?” repeated the wise man

“Yes but is it dead or is it alive, was the question”, said the kid

“And the answer is, it’s in your hands”, repeated the wise man, ” it’s in your hands”.