How to convince anyone more easily.

Everyone has what is called a convincer strategy, this means what it takes for them to be convinced of something. To become convinced some need to see it, some need to hear it or hear about it from others,  in short most have a visual or auditory lead before they get the feeling of being convinced, I will go into more detail on this later.

If you were at a job interview, or trying to sell to a customer, or attempting to persuade someone, if you understand the concept of convincer’s then you will need far less effort to bring them round to your way of thinking. [ Keep in mind this is not a manipulative technique, because if you use it non-ethically, people will know that you are being manipulative and you could lose their trust. It should always be used for win-win outcomes ].

Lets use a couple of scenarios to demonstrate how you might use this technique in a situation. For example you are at a job interview.  Here I would consider you might have extreme competition so this technique would be very appropriate. It will certainly give you the edge. I would suggest very early in the interview that you say to the interviewer , ” Can I ask you a question?” [ people will always allow you to ask a question because it shows you are interested]. When they say ” yes”, the question you ask and the way you phrase it is,  “I am really interested in this company and particularly this job, if you have an excellent employee, how do you know that they are really good at their job?” Listen carefully to their answer [ take notes if you like because, you are going to analyse what they say, and note taking will make them feel like they are teaching you something ]. If they say something like, “I can see by their results, or I can observe their progress, or I look at how they are doing”, the words , see – observe – look at, are all visual words.

If for example they responded with, ” I would get feedback from customers, or I would talk to their manager, or I would hear on the grapevine”, these are all auditory words. The point of this exercise it to let you know that if someone wants to ” see results”, they won’t be as convinced by you,” telling them”, how well you did. And if they want to hear feed back, they won’t be as easily convinced by you “showing them “, how well you did.

If their main comments to you were auditory convincers then you would for the purposes of the interview tell them about what others have said about your work, maybe even give them some people to phone and talk to about your accomplishments.  Whereas if their preferred mode was visual then you would show them evidence or examples of your accomplishments. [ maybe a letter of recommendation or pictures of something you have done]

This does not mean that you do not use both visual and auditory feedback to them, but you ” must “, use their favoured method, because this will fill up their convincer strategy more quickly and make your job of persuasion far easier.

Visual convincer [ positive ] = Kinasthetic convincer [ positive ]                  Auditory convincer [ positive ] = Kinasthetic convincer [ positive ]          [ kinasthetic means internal feelings] once people have the feeling of being convinced this is often enough for them to make a decision.

People have convincer strategies that may differ in different situations, try out some of the following for yourself to experience what convinces you.

How do you know if a car is an excellent car?   [is it the look? the feel? how it sounds?]                                                                                                                 How do you know if a meal is going to be nice to eat before you taste it? [ is it how it looks? how it smells? Because someone told you how good it is going to be?]                                                                                                            How do you know that is the house you’d like to buy?                                      How do you know that you like a specific item of clothing ?                 How do you choose your shoes?                                                                                      How do you know if someone is good at their job?                                             How do you know where you want to go on holiday?                                        How do you choose what you will eat from a menu?                                         How did you choose your current job or employment?

Some examples of sensory  language used by people –                                     That sounds like a good idea. I see what you mean. That feels right. Something smells a bit fishy. That leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

I hope that the above questions might have given you more insight to convincer strategies and to yourself as well, the convincer strategy is closely tied to buying strategies, which I will cover in the future, understanding yourself and understanding others will allow you to get more win-wins in life rather than win-lose scenarios, this makes life more balanced for everyone, and remember you reap what you sew, so be ethical in what you put out there.

 

To be the best you have to do whatever it takes.

Have you ever driven on a winding road in pure darkness, where the headlights on your car light up the road far ahead, and that is almost all you can see, just that small patch of lit up road maybe 50 feet ahead of the car. It’s the early hours of the morning just past midnight, the roads are deserted everyone is tucked up in bed, the radio is on and I don’t know if you’ve ever listened to the music at that time on the radio, but it’s mellow, relaxing, your mind just seems to drift off, even the DJ seems to talk slower and in a deeper voice. Time just seems to stand still.
I was driving from London to Scotland to meet my uncle, and it was an 8 hour drive using what they call the A roads, these roads are the original ones that everyone used before the motorways were built, and as I’d just got my licence I preferred to drive on them , even though the journey was longer.

Now the reason for this journey was something my uncle Andy , he’s my mothers brother, had said to me when I was ten years old. I had asked him how he was able to get such fantastic results, how he was able to beat his competitors every time, how he was able to outperform all the others almost effortlessly.

To give you a little background, in Scotland they have these lochs, they are like lakes but very very deep, very similar to Scandinavian fjords, and over one hundred years ago three crofters saved the life of a Scottish nobleman, as a reward he gave these three men the rights to fish his loch for salmon, for four hours per week, and it was from seven until eleven every Sunday morning. They are allowed to keep all the salmon they catch and what they don’t eat they are allowed to sell. These rights have given the three family’s an excellent income over the years. The rights pass to the eldest son in each generation and my uncle Andy currently has the rights.

Each family member is allowed one small rowing boat which is four meters long and two meters wide. My uncle regularly catches around fifty salmon every week but the other two family’s usually catch between five and eight each. No one knows how my uncle does it, and no one has ever been able to find out. This is what I asked him all those years ago, thus the reason for this journey.

I had got a call on Saturday from my uncle saying that if I still wanted to know how he did it, then he would take me out on his rowing boat on Sunday morning and show me how it was done. To get there on time I travelled through the night.

The time was exactly five thirty as I pulled into the gravel drive I could hear the crunching of the stones under the tyres, there was my uncle loading up his van with fishing gear. ” You’re just on time for a cup of tea before we go”, he said.

We got to the loch just before seven and the mist was so thick around the loch, you could only see about ten feet in front of you, the grass was damp under foot as we pushed the rowing boat into the water. Suddenly from out of no where a voice boomed, ” if you are taking him on board with you, I’m coming too”, I was told by my uncle later that, it was the gamekeeper, he’d never been able to work out how my uncle had been catching all those salmon, and had been watching him carefully for years. ” Oh well you can come along but only if you guarantee to keep the secret, and you are going to have to be the one to row “, my uncle told him, the gamekeeper agreed.

We rowed out to a spot picked by my uncle where he told the gamekeeper to stop and pull the oars on board.  My uncle stood up, I sat at one end of the boat, the gamekeeper at the other end and my uncle stood in the middle. “The secret of how I catch so many salmon that’s what you want to know, it’s something that people have wondered about for years, but no one except me knows, and it’s something I expect you both to keep to yourselves”. ” Do I use special bait? No”. “Do I go to a special place in the loch? No”. ” Do i use a special technique? Yes” He pulled out a stick of dynamite from his coat pocket, ” I light this “, he said as he lit the fuse. ” It has a thirty second fuse, exactly thirty seconds, I throw it into the water and the fuse keeps burning, it sinks about 15 feet and when it blows up it stuns the salmon, they float to the surface and we scoop them out of the water with these nets”

The gamekeeper’s face was bright red, he could hardly speak, he was choking on his own words ” you, you, you could be arrested for that, it’s illegal !” he bellowed. With that my uncle threw the stick of dynamite into his lap, ” there’s six seconds left on the fuse, are you going to argue, or are you going to fish,?” he replied.

 

How to experience self hypnosis.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be hypnotised?
Follow the simple steps below and you will get an experience of what it feels like.
Before we do let me tell you a little about what hypnosis is, and what you might expect.
Hypnosis is very similar to meditation, the type that you might experience whilst practicing yoga or deep relaxation. It can be like when you are relaxing in a warm bath and your mind just drifts off and you loose track of time.
Hypnosis is very similar to when you are reading a book and become absorbed in the story, almost like you lose yourself in the pages, for a time you imagine yourself to actually be in the story.
Hypnosis is similar to when you are watching a film, when you are so engrossed in the film that if someone is calling you, you don’t hear them calling.

Again if you are really into your music then you know what it’s like when you are listening to your favourite sounds and the way it makes you feel, that is what hypnosis is like.
In hypnosis it can be like you are focusing on one thing only, to the exclusion of everything else, or it can be like you are focusing on nothing – with no internal dialog, just physical and mental calm.
Hypnosis can feel like you are in a deep trance and your body is heavy, or hypnosis can feel like you are floating, feeling weightless, and looking down at yourself from above. Hypnosis can be many different things for different people, and most find it a very empowering state, enjoyable and calming.
Hypnosis is a naturally occurring state, it enables you to access the sub-conscious, unconscious, other than conscious part of your mind, the part that you are not normally consciously aware of. Hypnosis can help you relax and gives you access to more of your full potential, usually the more creative you are the better your imagination the easier it will be to access your unconscious mind, yet this can be achieved by anyone with practise.

As you can gather hypnosis can be different in many ways from person to person, yet almost always very relaxing. It will give you more access to the out of conscious part of your mind, the part that does everything for you that you are not normally consciously aware of, such as healing, digestion, blood supply, and the working of all your bodys organs, memory, creativity, insight etc, think of it metaphorically as having more access to the controls and software  on a computer and being able to use more of your own natural potential. In hypnosis you are accessing the healing part of your mind.

All hypnosis is really self hypnosis, the hypnotherapist is really just guiding you, a conduit to your unconscious mind so to speak. If you can master this you will have a gift, a power, a tool that you will be able to use to propel yourself academically, in sport, in business or any field you choose,  well beyond your widest dreams, I can promise you that you will surprise yourself with your own abilities.

Practise the following steps and each time you will find your relaxation and access to self hypnosis gets faster, deeper, and easier to do.

Step 1. Body relaxation – Starting with the feet, gently tighten the muscles hold for three seconds then relax from the tips of your toes to the heals on both feet. Now the calves on both legs tighten gently for three seconds then relax from the heals to the knees. Again with the upper thighs tighten hold now gently relax.

Imagine the muscles in your stomach pulled across tightly like elastic bands, now see then loosening relaxing all the way across from one side to the other, if your eyes are not already closed  allow them to close and picture that relaxation as though it were a liquid slowly coming up from the stomach to the chest like liquid filling a glass, completely all the way out to the edges, and slowly moving down each arm all the way out to the tip of each and every finger, allowing the chest, arms, hands and fingers to just relax.

Next the muscles in the neck feel them softening and allow your head to relax in a position that is comfortable, comfortable for you and imagine that relaxation slowly seeping up over the back of your head, scalp, forehead, and gently moving down over the temples and cheeks, and tracing it’s way round the lips allowing the whole face to  become relaxed. And finally the eyes visualise them as two pools of clear still water and imagine that a pebble had just been thrown in to the centre and the ripples moving from the centre are ripples of relaxation allowing the eyes to completely and totally relax .

Step 2. Mind relaxation, for this I am going to ask you to visualise a relaxing scene, lets make it a beach scene, it’s a private and deserted beach, warm with a very light breeze, the perfect temperature. There is a path leading down to this private beach and at the end of the path there are 10 stone steps leading down to the sand, you are at the top of those 10 stone steps and you are going to slowly walk down them and as you do you can let yourself relax just a little more with every step you take. Starting at the top and taking that first step become aware of the feeling of the steps beneath your feet, taking the second step looking down at the sand on the beach down below and noticing the colour and texture. As you take the third step you become aware of the sound of the waves gently lapping on the sand off in the distance….Now taking your fourth step become aware of the warm temperature of the sun on your face and your hands and how relaxing that feeling is, and as you take your fifth step you will notice that with every breath you breath out you can allow yourself to relax just a little bit more than you were before.

As you take the sixth step you look off into the distance and can see the white of the tiny waves as they break on the sand, and you can see where the sea and the sand meet, and how the water soaks into the sand as the waves fall back gently into the sea. With the seventh step you are becoming aware just how relaxing and calm this beach is.

As you take your eighth step you notice how quiet and still the  warm air is as you take a deep breath in and relax even more deeply as you exhale slowly. Taking your ninth step you become aware of a bench at the foot of the steps that you hadn’t seen before, as you take the tenth and final step onto the beach feeling your feet sink into the soft sand now moving slowly  step by step toward that comfortable bench and sitting down.

As you are resting on that bench close your eyes and relax even more, allow your mind to drift, until you are ready to come back into the now, into the room, slowly counting from ten back to one,  awakening by one – tenth  as you count each number back to one ,feeling yourself coming back slowly, feeling relaxed and fresh, feeling energised and alert, taking a deep breath in… and now … wide awake.

You will find that each time you practise this exercise you relax more quickly, more easily and more deeply.

 

IS YOUR GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY ?

There is an old story about a family who had twins and one was an optimist, always laughing and happy, the other was a pessimist always complaining and whining. But these two were extreme so the parents went to see a therapist to get some advice on what they might do to get these twins to change so that they were not so extreme.
They told the therapist that they would like the optimist to be a little less happy and the pessimist to be happier sort of both moving to the middle so to speak. The therapist had an idea. “It’s coming up to Christmas,” he said, ” so why don’t you buy the pessimist some really nice presents and that will make him happy, and give the optimist something that he won’t like and that will make him unhappy, that should do the trick to make them more balanced.”
So early on Christmas morning the parents were awakened by the noise coming from both the twins rooms, they got up and looked through the partially open door of the pessimists room, he was opening the wrapping on a big bike they had bought him, it’s not the colour I like he complained and it’s cheap rubbish he said kicking the bike to the floor, he ripped the wrapping off another present an Apple phone and threw it to the ground smashing it and saying,” that’s not the latest model I wouldn’t be seen dead with that rubbish.” The parents had spent all their money on him and he was kicking the wall and screaming that his Christmas was ruined.
There was hysterical laughter coming from the other room, the parents ran to the optimists room and could see him through the open door. They had filled a large box with donkey dung and wrapped it, he had opened it and was throwing it up the walls laughing and shouting,” yippeee, there is so much donkey dung here, there must be a donkey somewhere.”